Sarah M Barkley, LCSW Inc.
   
  • My Practice
    • About Me
    • Denver-area Counseling Blog
    • Location/Contact
  • Therapy for Women
  • EMDR
    • Therapy for Trauma Professionals

Unprecedented times -so much beauty!

3/27/2020

2 Comments

 
I’m still working over Zoom with most of my clients.   During each call the same struggle is present: Awkwardness. We have kids running amuck, our jobs feel funky, forget about our 401Ks, we feel less professional, we’re awkwardly parenting and wifeing, husbanding, friending and there is sooo much wine.  After each call the same thing keeps popping into my head:  THIS IS SO HUMAN.  Normally buttoned up professional people in person are having to interrupt conversations to make a pb&j, calling across the house to spouses, show their messy kitchens to their colleagues, little people are popping up between knees, dogs are barking and more and more, we are not bristling at this reality.  We are being real people.  Our professional fronts and our nurturing, impatient, sloppy selves are uniting. 
My hope is we become more graceful with ourselves.  Let us get sick of our phones and social media (because let’s be real, who’s really posting a gorgeous pic of themselves!).   Most of all, let us get comfy with the thoughts and feelings that bubble up (the ones that we usually squash with a run to the store or shopping on the internet).  These are unprecedented times for most of us- let us strip away our egos and be our flawed, real, HUMAN selves.  Let us be more comfortable in the stillness so that we can reinvent, reimagine and re-ground ourselves and reemerge more whole – our families and our community and our Planet are all going to need this growth.  There are no rules, no images to preserve- this is an unprecedented time.  The more we can own the struggle of being us, the more we will connect and be free to fully love one another on the back end!
Go HUMAN!
2 Comments

February 12th, 2020

2/12/2020

0 Comments

 
Our tendency as sensitive humans is to be overjoyed by "being chosen" but when is the last time you "chose"? Did you choose your friends, your career, your job, your date last weekend?  
0 Comments

Being Human is tough S&#@!

2/12/2020

0 Comments

 
We have good educations, jobs, homes, partners, kids, yet we think it should feel sooooo much easier.  Add in what we see on everyone else’s Facebook, Insta and voila:  We are losers!   Let's be real….I can't think of the last time I saw a pic of someone who was deliberately celebrating their double chin…. The only reason I have posted some of those less favorable photos is ONLY because I don't want to continue this perfection image to the world….for me personally, it's too tiring.  I have 2 chins and cellulite.  Fact. 
We, at the end of the day, are animals.  We naturally strive to be the fittest of the pack so we can attract the healthiest, sexiest mate.  We are also naturally pack animals, we look and desire praise from others and to be "chosen".  My question for you, as animals w a fairly well-developed prefrontal cortex, is WHO do you actually value the praise from, who do you care to be CHOSEN by.  Narrow your scope.  We have so much info and chatter in our ears but we can choose who, if anyone gets to dictate our value.  This being alive, being human thing is really hard.  We have not evolved enough as a species to have our animal instincts be immune to social media pressures.  We're still too simple.  The ask is that you choose how you are going to be valued and by whom.  Also choose how you want to portray yourself to the world around you.  Are you tired of being perfect online but naturally imperfect in real life?  Merge them.  Choose the real one.
0 Comments

K.I.S.S

2/11/2020

0 Comments

 
Get clear this New Year!  Have you ever heard of KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid?  It's brilliant but we LOVE to make things complicated: with our nutrition, our plans on the weekend, our friends, our work schedules, etc.  Worst of all we over complicate our communication.  Something odd happens between an idea, or more accurately, a need and the expression of that need.  We over-complicate and impose extra meaning to our needs.  We create a story- a plausible one about the other persons reaction to us, but not necessarily an accurate story.  We assume (what's that old saying about assumptions?) that if we ASK for something, we will hurt others.  I've seen it with even the simplest of desires such as where to eat out for supper.  So, we have a need, we don't ask for it and then the next step in the breakdown: resentment. 
What would happen if we just said what was on our mind- with "pleases" and "thank yous" of course.  Would we get what we want?  Can we even consider that the other person is strong enough to rebut us, not just write us off?  What if we give up our martyrdom?  Will we not get some prize on our deathbed for eating at restaurants we didn't want to our whole lives?  THERE IS NO PRIZE!  Take a deep breath, ask lovingly, be open to dialogue.  Not all dialogue is "confrontation"--it can simply be a conversation.  Most likely….you'll get what you want.  So simple. So healthy.  Challenge yourself to a few more KISSes.
0 Comments

jane Thatcher has opened her doors!

6/3/2018

0 Comments

 
A dear friend and magnificent therapist, Jane Thatcher, has opened up shop in Broomfield, CO!  She's a therapist, professional musician and owns a music school--she's a force!  Her focus clinically is motherhood, anxiety, depression and religious trauma.  She utilizes traditional talk therapy as well as writing therapy (did I mention she works w homeless individuals at the Denver Public Library doing creative writing?!?!)  She's amazing!

www.janethatchercounseling.com 
0 Comments

The momMY Myth

7/5/2016

0 Comments

 
In the last few years I have experienced a brand new humanity. In honor of being painfully authentic, and not perpetuating perfection myths, I'll share something personal. Being pregnant over 2 years ago now was a nightmare.  I was sick (and I mean peeing while throwing up kind of sick!) from week 6-40.  All the women who I knew who said being pregnant was really one of the most special times in their lives were now coming out of the woodwork to say how difficult it was for one reason or another.  You name it:  pre-partum identity crisis, not-being-a-fun-wife, feeling vulnerable about the upcoming inability to focus on a career they had long suffered for, wondering if they'd actually love this fetus when it eventually came out, depression, etc.  It was shocking...why didn't everyone talk about this when I was non-barfy?  Did they think they needed to make it look pretty, that somehow their experience pregnant (and I'll write more about post-partum later) reflected the love of their baby?
The more I barfed, peed, cried (often all 3), the more I said "this is really hard", the more women wanted to talk.
I say this in the hopes that we all (husbands/ partners as well) decide to share the struggle rather than perpetuate the myth of perfection.  Go out there--- cry in public b/c it's your 3rd breakfast of the day and dammit, this one better stay down b/c you have a 9am meeting!
0 Comments

connection overload

5/14/2016

0 Comments

 
Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Linked-in.... the list goes on and on and on.  These platforms can be so incredible to share our lives but also so hollow when it comes to real connection not to mention the pressure to stay current on people's lives.  I recently have been met w a rash of "ohh, I saw your trip, it looked amazing and the baby is adorable, that dish you cooked for your Dad's bday looked awesome!" (said by someone who has not called my phone or emailed me or even texted me in eons) and in response to "how have you been?', I've been met w friends and acquaintances saying, 'well you saw that guy I went to dinner with last weekend.."   EEEEK...I did not see that guy, should I be scheduling time before a coffee w a friend to research their social media for things I should know?  When was ‘catching up” not realllly catching up.  I really would love to chat about that trip or have you meet my baby or share that recipe of the pic you 'liked'...shoot, I'd even love to cook it for you but didn't even know you were that interested in my life.  

The question is: am I flattered?  Yes.  Were they probably bored at work or unwinding after work? Yes.  Big question:  When you receive 'likes', do you really feel liked?  If we as humans are really pack animals, as we’re designed to be, we need to spend less time “liking” and more time doing that which really shows care and love: picking up the phone, scheduling a coffee.
Think about the last time you really felt connected to through social media…and is there more you’d like.

0 Comments

On your Deathbed there is no award given for 'being Busy' your whole life

3/24/2014

0 Comments

 
0 Comments

A Fabulous new psychiatrist has set-up shop in Golden!

10/1/2013

0 Comments

 
An incredible older adolescent and adult psychiatrist has finally planted roots in Golden, CO!!!!  I'm pleased to announce Dr. Heather Newman to Golden, CO!  I endorse her philosophy towards patient attentiveness and care and her approach to medication management 100%!  Take a peek at her website: www.frontrangepsychiatry.com   It's always a gift to have another like-minded, loving practitioner to entrust with the women I care so much for!
Welcome Heather!
0 Comments

Beautifully put:

8/14/2013

1 Comment

 
 "Choose carefully what you do today as you're exchanging a day in your life for it" -unknown
1 Comment
<<Previous
    Picture

    My life's Goal

    I, Sarah Barkley, am a psychotherapist here in Golden, CO.  I specialize in adolescents, families and women.  Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than seeing someone wake up and see their beauty... whether for the first time, or once again.  I believe in therapy, I believe in the struggle, the work, the discussion, the questions, the tears.  If it's a life worth fighting for, one must fight for it.  I've never met a life not worth fighting for.

    Great Books

    Women Who Run with the Wolves- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
    For:
    Any woman needing to "get her groove back"/ to see that she doesn't need to apologize for wanting more/ needing more/ being fierce
    About the book:
    Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and cantadora storyteller, shows how woman's vitality can be restored through what she calls "psychic archeological digs" into the bins of the female unconscious. In Women Who Run with the Wolves, Dr. Estes uses multicultural myths, fairy tales, folk tales, and stories chosen from over twenty years of research that help women reconnect with the healthy, instinctual, visionary attributes of the Wild Woman archetype.



    The 5 Love Languages-Gary Chapman
    For:
    For anyone wanting to connect better with those important to them.  SUCH A SIMPLE APPROACH!  A necessary read!

    About
    :
    New York Times
    bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples, families, parents in identifying, understanding, and speaking their other’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

































    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    June 2018
    July 2016
    May 2016
    March 2014
    October 2013
    August 2013
    August 2011
    April 2011
    January 2011
    November 2010

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from simonsun08, David Blackwell., lululemon athletica, db photographs