Get clear this New Year! Have you ever heard of KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid? It's brilliant but we LOVE to make things complicated: with our nutrition, our plans on the weekend, our friends, our work schedules, etc. Worst of all we over complicate our communication. Something odd happens between an idea, or more accurately, a need and the expression of that need. We over-complicate and impose extra meaning to our needs. We create a story- a plausible one about the other persons reaction to us, but not necessarily an accurate story. We assume (what's that old saying about assumptions?) that if we ASK for something, we will hurt others. I've seen it with even the simplest of desires such as where to eat out for supper. So, we have a need, we don't ask for it and then the next step in the breakdown: resentment.
What would happen if we just said what was on our mind- with "pleases" and "thank yous" of course. Would we get what we want? Can we even consider that the other person is strong enough to rebut us, not just write us off? What if we give up our martyrdom? Will we not get some prize on our deathbed for eating at restaurants we didn't want to our whole lives? THERE IS NO PRIZE! Take a deep breath, ask lovingly, be open to dialogue. Not all dialogue is "confrontation"--it can simply be a conversation. Most likely….you'll get what you want. So simple. So healthy. Challenge yourself to a few more KISSes.
What would happen if we just said what was on our mind- with "pleases" and "thank yous" of course. Would we get what we want? Can we even consider that the other person is strong enough to rebut us, not just write us off? What if we give up our martyrdom? Will we not get some prize on our deathbed for eating at restaurants we didn't want to our whole lives? THERE IS NO PRIZE! Take a deep breath, ask lovingly, be open to dialogue. Not all dialogue is "confrontation"--it can simply be a conversation. Most likely….you'll get what you want. So simple. So healthy. Challenge yourself to a few more KISSes.
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