Our tendency as sensitive humans is to be overjoyed by "being chosen" but when is the last time you "chose"? Did you choose your friends, your career, your job, your date last weekend?
We have good educations, jobs, homes, partners, kids, yet we think it should feel sooooo much easier. Add in what we see on everyone else’s Facebook, Insta and voila: We are losers! Let's be real….I can't think of the last time I saw a pic of someone who was deliberately celebrating their double chin…. The only reason I have posted some of those less favorable photos is ONLY because I don't want to continue this perfection image to the world….for me personally, it's too tiring. I have 2 chins and cellulite. Fact.
We, at the end of the day, are animals. We naturally strive to be the fittest of the pack so we can attract the healthiest, sexiest mate. We are also naturally pack animals, we look and desire praise from others and to be "chosen". My question for you, as animals w a fairly well-developed prefrontal cortex, is WHO do you actually value the praise from, who do you care to be CHOSEN by. Narrow your scope. We have so much info and chatter in our ears but we can choose who, if anyone gets to dictate our value. This being alive, being human thing is really hard. We have not evolved enough as a species to have our animal instincts be immune to social media pressures. We're still too simple. The ask is that you choose how you are going to be valued and by whom. Also choose how you want to portray yourself to the world around you. Are you tired of being perfect online but naturally imperfect in real life? Merge them. Choose the real one.
Get clear this New Year! Have you ever heard of KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid? It's brilliant but we LOVE to make things complicated: with our nutrition, our plans on the weekend, our friends, our work schedules, etc. Worst of all we over complicate our communication. Something odd happens between an idea, or more accurately, a need and the expression of that need. We over-complicate and impose extra meaning to our needs. We create a story- a plausible one about the other persons reaction to us, but not necessarily an accurate story. We assume (what's that old saying about assumptions?) that if we ASK for something, we will hurt others. I've seen it with even the simplest of desires such as where to eat out for supper. So, we have a need, we don't ask for it and then the next step in the breakdown: resentment.
What would happen if we just said what was on our mind- with "pleases" and "thank yous" of course. Would we get what we want? Can we even consider that the other person is strong enough to rebut us, not just write us off? What if we give up our martyrdom? Will we not get some prize on our deathbed for eating at restaurants we didn't want to our whole lives? THERE IS NO PRIZE! Take a deep breath, ask lovingly, be open to dialogue. Not all dialogue is "confrontation"--it can simply be a conversation. Most likely….you'll get what you want. So simple. So healthy. Challenge yourself to a few more KISSes.
My life's Goal
I, Sarah Barkley, am a psychotherapist here in Golden, CO. I specialize in adolescents, families and women. Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than seeing someone wake up and see their beauty... whether for the first time, or once again. I believe in therapy, I believe in the struggle, the work, the discussion, the questions, the tears. If it's a life worth fighting for, one must fight for it. I've never met a life not worth fighting for.
Women Who Run with the Wolves- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Any woman needing to "get her groove back"/ to see that she doesn't need to apologize for wanting more/ needing more/ being fierce
About the book:
Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and cantadora storyteller, shows how woman's vitality can be restored through what she calls "psychic archeological digs" into the bins of the female unconscious. In Women Who Run with the Wolves, Dr. Estes uses multicultural myths, fairy tales, folk tales, and stories chosen from over twenty years of research that help women reconnect with the healthy, instinctual, visionary attributes of the Wild Woman archetype.
The 5 Love Languages-Gary Chapman
For anyone wanting to connect better with those important to them. SUCH A SIMPLE APPROACH! A necessary read!
New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples, families, parents in identifying, understanding, and speaking their other’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.