I don’t expect anyone to start a regimented running plan, but there are emotional and physical benefits to simply walking. The meditative effects of walking, the bilateral stimulation of the brain, has shown similar information integration properties and benefits as REM sleep (our dreaming sleep). Dr. Francine Shapiro, a California psychologist, found one day while walking and thinking about something that was troubling her, that her eyes began to track right to left in sync with her walking. She found that after her walk, the disturbance she felt previously had nearly disappeared. This began the basis for the widely accepted treatment modality, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Repossessing, EMDRIA.ORG). I challenge all of you to move at times when it’s the last thing you want to do. Sitting by yourself stewing over what went wrong in a conversation or situation has not reaaaaallly ever worked, so literally just walk it away!
When we are under extreme stress, nearly 1,500 biochemical reactions occur in our bodies. Some body mechanisms speed up, others nearly shut down. Many have heard of this as our “fight or flight response.” What many don’t know is that this doesn’t just occur during a car accident or a physical attack; it occurs on some level, during a stressful meeting with a boss, or argument with a spouse or child. Oftentimes, these intense reactions which we are wired for to take us out of unsafe situations happen day after day on a less intense level. Unfortunately, after this stress response our bodies are still activated, still trying to process the byproducts of our stress response, making our bodies actually want to “fight” or “flee”. Our lives aren’t getting less stressful or complicated. Last time I checked, we can’t flee from a boardroom or fight our boss, thus we need to combat these reactions the best way we can. The answer is exercise. Exercise helps our bodies expedite the cleansing of the byproducts of our stress response so we don’t suffer physically. For example, when we’re stressed our gastrointestinal system slows. This can cause constipation, diarrhea, or ulcers. Stress even affects our reproductive system. Our body doesn’t want to foster a new life if it feels that it is under attack. Intellectually and emotionally, the “smart” part of our brain shuts down so we can think like an animal would (to fight or flee) and that can effect our information possessing system that we require we’re expected to be productive at work or listening to our children.
I don’t expect anyone to start a regimented running plan, but there are emotional and physical benefits to simply walking. The meditative effects of walking, the bilateral stimulation of the brain, has shown similar information integration properties and benefits as REM sleep (our dreaming sleep). Dr. Francine Shapiro, a California psychologist, found one day while walking and thinking about something that was troubling her, that her eyes began to track right to left in sync with her walking. She found that after her walk, the disturbance she felt previously had nearly disappeared. This began the basis for the widely accepted treatment modality, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Repossessing, EMDRIA.ORG). I challenge all of you to move at times when it’s the last thing you want to do. Sitting by yourself stewing over what went wrong in a conversation or situation has not reaaaaallly ever worked, so literally just walk it away!
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Our family is our comfort and safety in an oftentimes chaotic world. I use "family" in the very loosest sense of the word. In the words of an incredibly inspiring client, they're "your people". They are the people who protect us and for whom we'd go to the ends of the Earth to protect. We stay awake in bed until all hours waiting to hear our teen pull into the driveway, buy all organic for the new addition to our family, interview 20 doctors to find the best care for an ailing parent.
We also protect each other by not saying things that we know could potentially cause stress or sadness. As a therapist who treats many families going through divorce or a significant loss, I see the elephants that everyone talks about with me but not with one another. In cases of a death of a loved one, I hear mom talking about how much she misses dad but has not said a lot to the kids because she doesn't want to make them hurt any more than they are. I hear the kids say that they think about dad all of the time but don’t want to make mom feel worse. I encourage families to be open and vulnerable with one another about their feelings. For a father going through a divorce to not hide his red eyes and tell his kids that he didn't plan for he and mom to not be together any more. Just because hurt, disappointment and grief are not spoken of does not mean they cease existing. We all know this but we assume our issue is different; our words will hurt or burden “our people”. There is cathartic power in telling your family how sad you are, giving them permission to grieve with you because chances are that they are grieving with or without you. A true leader in a family is the one who can teach their family that it's a testament of strength to be genuinely "there" with them. If there was more sharing and les "sparing" each other from sorrow, there would be a lot more intimacy between us and "our people" and a lot less money paying therapists’ boat payments. My challenge to you is to sit down over hot cocoa, or a stiff scotch and talk, out loud, to those you love. The beauty of my skin is that it facilitates my very East Coast facial expressiveness to shine through. From the furrow in my brow when I’m confused or annoyed, to the creases around my mouth when I smile, my skin denotes my mood. No grocery store clerk has ever asked me “How are you doing”, and believed my “I’m good, thanks”, on one of those not-so-good days. I am just not that good at faking it. I’ve never had a poker-face. The abilities to hide my facial expressions would require thousands of dollars in Botox. So, now I don’t even try.
Our bodies hold the truth. Whether we’re feeling nervousness in our bellies from starting a new relationship, stress in our shoulders from staring at a computer analyzing our finances, or mental exhaustion after a long fight with our significant other, we all have some emotion with which our physical bodies are coping. The same goes for our skin, which enables our facial expressions to represent our mood. My hope is that you allow your skin to truly represent who you are. There are so many pressures to “be happy”, to “look your best” and essentially be someone you’re not at certain moments, it will always be a challenge to allow our outsides to match your insides. We need to teach ourselves that we can show what we are feeling in our belly, eyes, and heart. Expressing accurately how we are feeling should translate into how we use words as well. When asked how you are, what would be the shame if your face and words matched how you were actually feeling? In reality not every day will be your “best”, nor will it be the best for the person whom you are speaking, therefore share your world, let your expressions and your words be genuine to who you are and what you’re feeling at this moment. Authenticity is freeing and will improve your every day relationships, bringing you and those you connect with, closer. All it takes is a little less emotional Botox, and a little more you being you. So often we keep plugging along doing the same thing in our relationships, in our businesses, with our pets, waiting for a different result. I'd like you to think back to the last time that worked. Often times we find that we've worked so hard doing something the same way that we've become committed to it. If we stop doing it, we've given up, we've lost the battle. Wonder if it wasn't meant to be "done" that way? Wonder if it really isn't right for us in the first place? That's scary. It can be as small as an investment in marketing to as large as a relationship that has been abusive way too long. We think if we "just keep_(insert here)_ it'll get better." I would like you to look at some frustrating aspect of your life and ask yourself...have I been approaching this in this way? When what we're doing isn't working, do something different...it may just be a little tweek. |
My life's GoalI, Sarah Barkley, am a psychotherapist here in Golden, CO. I specialize in women and older adolescents. Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than seeing someone wake up and see their beauty... whether for the first time, or once again. I believe in therapy, I believe in the struggle, the work, the discussion, the questions, the tears. If it's a life worth fighting for, one must fight for it. I've never met a life not worth fighting for. Great BooksWomen Who Run with the Wolves- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
For: Any woman needing to "get her groove back"/ to see that she doesn't need to apologize for wanting more/ needing more/ being fierce About the book: Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and cantadora storyteller, shows how woman's vitality can be restored through what she calls "psychic archeological digs" into the bins of the female unconscious. In Women Who Run with the Wolves, Dr. Estes uses multicultural myths, fairy tales, folk tales, and stories chosen from over twenty years of research that help women reconnect with the healthy, instinctual, visionary attributes of the Wild Woman archetype. The 5 Love Languages-Gary Chapman For: For anyone wanting to connect better with those important to them. SUCH A SIMPLE APPROACH! A necessary read! About: New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples, families, parents in identifying, understanding, and speaking their other’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Archives
March 2020
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